i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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