Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
