Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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