were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
