sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
of course. lets lasso hookers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
