I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
