Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
