a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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