So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
