Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Semen is not good for contacts.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
