They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
