ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
