i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
