he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
