i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
