Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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