Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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