a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
