I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
