dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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