oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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