I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
