you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
