He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
