That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
