Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
