Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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