He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
