I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
