I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
