It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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