Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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