I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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