so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
