Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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