Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
