Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
