Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I see more hoeing in ur future
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
