Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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