i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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