he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
