david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
