Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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