I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
