That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
