During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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