oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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