nut hugger
Plan B is the new Plan A
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
