and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
