I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
