I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
