You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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