HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
